For the last month or so I haven’t felt much like myself. Seems like every week the blackouts get much much worse. And although I hate to admit it, I’m honestly starting to get worried. I sometimes wonder if this is it for me. If what I’ve done is all that I will ever do, or at least remember. Dr. Stevenson says it’s stressed related and that talking about it will alleviate some of what I’ve been experiencing. But since being grounded and summer school classes still being online, I don’t get too many opportunities to. Since the night of D.C, Mom and Dad have made it impossible for me to stay on the grid. Meaning no Snapchat, IG, and definitely not any KRU for me. But man I can’t deal. Nothing feels real to me anymore. I need to get away. I need to get out of here. I keep losing everything. First, it was my relationship. Then it was my reputation. And now I feel like I’m losing it all. Parts of my past, present, and whatever is left of my future. Dear God, please don’t let me lose myself. I have so much more to live for. Not to mention, I still haven’t even gotten my dick wet. I don’t want to go out as a virgin. If possible I just want to continue doing the things that I do best. And for me, as bad as it sounds, is spending my time laughing with KRU about all of our wild shenanigans. From Crosbea getting away with playing real-life Assassin's Creed into people’s pockets as Benita comes through with the assist distracting them with her killer fútbol skills. To Twia’s outlandish, yet convincing high theories, that dreams are just alternate timelines trying to make their way into this one in order to influence it. And that the feeling of deja vu can be explained as the point in time when the other timelines have made contact with ours. And let me not forget the thumb of our right hand. Woo-ki “Woo-Ha” Hana, Ms. Shenanigans herself. Our fearless leader by day, up and coming BGirl by night. Just being around her is something else. Her E is on another level. She just goes and goes and goes and goes, till she’s given her all. She's incredible. Best way to put it, she’s the K to our RU and without her, well, we'd be shit out of luck. So God, if you’re listening, and have been listening. May I apologize?
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